January 2011
48 posts
fuckyeahlizlemon:
the-girlieshow /...
1 tag
When God closes a door, he opens a dress
Every time I see those car commercials with John Slattery, all I can think of is Mad Men. And one of my hall mates is named Peggy Olsen, so whenever I remember that I think of Mad Men too. I miss it, it needs to start sooner!
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Prance, I said!
DRAG RACE STARTS TONIGHT! I’m so excited! RuPual might be one of my favorite people ever. Seriously, how can you not love this:
Ru is seriously the coolest. I can’t watch it though since I don’t have a TV. And even if I did I wouldn’t get Logo. But still, as soon as it’s online I’m watching it. It’s kind of my favorite reality competition show.
Yumsh
I made red velvet cake with my grandma a couple of days ago to bring back to school and it’s kind of delicious.
Yeah, you wish you could eat that.
My second grade journal: story time
Along with being the most talented poet of my generation, I was a natural-born storyteller. It’s me at my most Rose Nylund-ish:
We went sleding. We did it on Deth hill. This is why its called Death hill because Abby Jinkens went sleding. (Also known as “Derks little sister”.) And she is short. There’s a big bump on the hill. So she went down and hit the bump! She flew in the air and...
My second grade journal: Harry Potter
So, I started reading the Harry Potter books in second grade and I wrote about them a bunch. I was kind of obsessed with Harry Potter.
I am reading Harry Potter and the prisoner of Azkaban. I am in the chapter The Mauders map. I didn’t bring it because my mom says my back packs to hevey. It’s not. And the chapter I’m in is good.
If I had one wish, I’d wish that Harry Potter to come out...
Don't be jealous of my boogie
10 DAYS UNTIL RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE STARTS!!!!
My second grade journal: I was a poetic genius
These are the last of the poems from the journals. And a picture of me being insane when I was 8.
I lik to write pomes because I want to be a pote someday. This is one of my pomes. It is called School days.
Schools out!
No school,
No school,
No more homework every day,
No school,
No school,
No more learning about blue jays!
Gorge Washington
Gorge Washington,
Gorge Washington
Why did you chop...
My second grade journal: wishes
I would wish for a billion dollars. I would buy the American girl store. I would eat all the pizza in the world. The same with ice cream. I would love that!
Definitely a great use of a billion dollars. Except now I probably would have wished for a unicorn that would be my BFF and grant me unlimited wishes.
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Don't fall in love on the Jersey Shore
I think buying Snooki Snickers’ book is the best idea I’ve had over break, it’s so delightfully terrible Seriously, the Snooki character saves a beached shark! The local police captain is named Captain Morgan! There are pickles and gorillas on every page! Book of the century, right there. The chapter titles alone are enough for an I CAN’T. “You’ve Got...
My second grade journal: I'm obsessed.
So I guess I was obsessed with Sweden. I don’t even know…
When I grow up, I will travel around the world. I will be a photographer. I will go to Sweden. I will go to Finland. I will go to Sydney.
I was way more obsessed with horses though, I wrote a poem about them.
The Gentle Creature
Soft, Swift, and Sleek,
Compared to it, we’re meek,
It helped us when the times...
Creeping the boardwalk for gorilla juiceheads
I am now five chapters into A Shore Thing, and it’s already a goldmine of ridiculousness. The best quotes:
Gia has got to get over here, thought Bella. She’d be like a kid in a pickle store.
As soon as her boss left, Gia did a victory lap dance on the arm of the sofa. A sweet job! With a cool cougar boss! If only her mom could see her now.
Although Bender was on the small...
It's Rosy the nosy neighbor... with a spatula in...
I just ordered all 22 chapters of R. Kelly’s masterpiece hip-hopera Trapped in the Closet on DVD, and I’m super excited for it to come. Seriously, this is kind of the most ridiculous thing ever created.
I need to hear R. Kelly pretending to be a woman with a ridiculous southern accent.
Come at me bro
So I bought Snooki’s book yesterday. Totally a good life decision.
But anyway. I am totally going to share the best bits of it on tumblr, it’s obviously the greatest literary masterpiece of our generation. Seriously, the first chapter is titled “Karma’s a bitch, bitch!” I need this in my life RIGHT NOW.
My second grade journal: more poems
I’ve only looked through one journal and I’ve already found three poems. Here are two more:
When My Friends Come Over
When my friends come over we rock the nighborhood,
When my friends come over there’s not a sock in sight
When my friens come over my mother says “youre all as quiet as a but!”
The friends I was writing about (clockwise from top left): my...
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The year in band names
Okay, so this list of crazy band names is kind of my favorite thing the AV Club does, it’s endlessly entertaining. A few of my favorites:
Sex Unicorn
Pterodacdudes
Diet Cokeheads (Heathers reference? I hope so but probably not.)
Misantropical Painforest
Unicorn Basement
Jaw Potato
My favorite of all time from one of these lists? Those Fucking Unicorns. That would be the name of my...
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My second grade hopes and dreams
More from 8-year-old Lauren:
I want to be an archiologiest. I want to learn about the Aztecs. I want to deiscover Atlantis. I want to find more mumies. I want deiscover more Native tribes.
I am going to be a photogroapher. I will travle to different countries and states. I will go to 50 in all! I will live in Calafornia. I’ll have a cottage at the Swedish border.
The Swedish...
My second grade journal
FYI, 8-year-old Lauren was crazypants and had to keep a journal for class. And since I’m stuck at home for another week with nothing to do I’m totally putting the best bits of them on tumblr. I mean, I wrote poems. I have to share them with the world!
Raining Cats and Dogs
It’s raining cats and dogs
In the pig pen, all those hogs.
It’s raining cats and dogs!
...
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I shouldn't be allowed to sit around the house all...
Because then I waste my life doing stupid things like playing Robot Unicorn Attack.
It combines two of my great loves- unicorns and so-bad-it’s-good music! The song is forever stuck in my head. Plus, unicorns are my spirit animal.
Five reasons why I'm obsessed with Showgirls
I kind of have an obsession with Showgirls. For serious.
5. The dialogue in this movie is totally ridiculous. It speaks for itself, so here are a few gems:
“It must be weird, not having anybody cum on you.”- Al, the wonderfully affectionate owner of the Cheetah
“Dancing ain’t fucking”- the Alvin Ailey dancer
Annie: Julie, you fucking slut, you touch my make-up...
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